Finances – A Family Affair?
A few years ago a member in my Quaker community told the story of how she was approached by a friend who wanted to ask her an “intimate” question. The friend was terribly embarrassed and had difficulties getting the words out. So my Quaker friend braced herself for what might come, only to hear: “Do you …? Do you and John …? – I mean, do you and John have joint bank accounts?”
This blog is not about whether or not you should have joint bank accounts. But it is about financial transparency. In the Bible it says: “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” (Prov. 29:13 NIV)
It might be tempting to conceal the real state of our finances from our spouse, especially if they are in disarray. I remember a lady whose husband had been present at the birth of all their 5 children, yet found herself unable to share with him how she managed the household money. But what will that do to your marriage in the long term?
I advocate that couples and families (with the children who are old enough) actually meet regularly to discuss finances. That it becomes part of the family routine. For instance, it might be a family tradition to go to church together on a Sunday, or have a carvery lunch and then go for a walk afterwards. In the same way having a “finance summit” once a week or once a month could become such a fixture. I make detailed suggestions how this might work and how to establish the vital ground rules in my book “Making Friends with Money – How to start feeling wealthy without waiting till you’re rich”.
Why would you want to discuss your finances with your family? It’s about doing it together, sharing the burden and the joys. There is a German proverb, which translates roughly to: “A sorrow shared, is a sorrow halved – and a joy shared doubles the delight.” The family summit can be used to brain storm and bounce ideas and strategies around. Sometimes you might also want to involve someone outside the family. If you are in a financial crisis you might find it difficult to think straight. Here advice from a debt counselling service might be invaluable. Or you may need help from an Independent Financial Adviser. Or you might want to use a finance coach, who is completely neutral and has no vested interest is the final outcome.
The family summit can also be used to talk about and share visions and goals. And about which actions you need to take which might get there. Therefore, financial transparency is also about accountability. It can help you actually take whatever actions you said you would. Thus it will bring you closer to achieving your goals and making your visions become reality.
Sanni Kruger is a finance coach helping people to become competent and confident money managers who live within their means without stressful money concerns. She assists her clients in reducing their debts whilst building up savings, as well as clarifying their desired long term vision and learning how to expand their resources to reach it. Her self-help book “Making Friends with Money – How to start feeling wealthy without waiting till you’re rich” is available from http://www.holisticmoneymanager.com/self-help/
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